Friday, October 12, 2007

Oh The Power of Me!

What I learned in Voice Class.... This sounds strangely like the topic of a 3rd grade theme! I hope I do not write it like a third grader as well! hahaha! Well, What did I learn?

I came out of the voice class fresh from the soul exploring, wall tearing class of the Girls in the Basement, and truly, I have not completely finished that either. But when I started Voice, I was at a point in the Girls class where we were digging into our ancient raw and reopened wounds. This had a dramatic effect on my ability to think clearly and write from the heart. I started the voice class raw and disturbed, just like I was feeling at the time. I think many of the comments from my classmates helped me along the journey of realistically looking at my mental and spiritual scars and examine them so closely. Once these were out in the open and I began to deal with them one at a time, the voice seemed to wander from happiness and fulfillment to anger and frustration and back.

For me, this was more about dealing with who I thought I was, who I wanted to be, and who I truly am. Instead of discovering my voice, I discovered me. Some of the comments, although heartfelt, really angered me at first. I did not know how to respond, because I did not want to lash out for what was clearly my problem. Upon more reflection, I wondered if I was basically just lying to myself. I started to panic, and my heart and mind filled with doubt and apprehension. I wrote to Barbara about owning everything. I thought I had, but how exactly do you do that, for maybe I did it wrong. I wrote to another classmate about the overwhelming process of “owning” this life. Along the way, everyone gave me so many wonderful and beautiful things to ponder. I mulled them over for many days and nights and came to the conclusion that I really did not see these things as they were, but in only one way; I was terrified of looking at my life as the whole picture and digesting it all at once in it’s entirety. Instead, I took everything piecemeal, one event and experience at at time. I had advised others that all these experiences make you who you are. I did not realize it was the SUM of all these things TOGETHER AS ONE which amounts to who you are. Elated, I could now move forward. For all the wonder, beauty and even ugliness in my life, this is what I learned in voice class:

I am a really great human being. I have a huge capacity to be caring, considerate, and forgiving. I am a good wife, loving sibling, forgiving daughter, a devoted mother. I am conscientious, responsible, and a hard worker. I love God, but I am not limited to where and when I can be in his spirit, nor am I closed to all the possibilities of the nature of his (or her) existence. I am courageous, enduring, and my spirit will bless others and live on forever. I know that I can handle anything life gives me, with a smile - at least at the end. When the world crumbles, I will not only still be standing, but I will be standing strong!

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