Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Kissing the Frog - or a late night Pity Party

Do you ever feel like the frog in life? I think I am having one of those years, ok, let's be honest, one of those decades. I feel like the ugly frog that the princess is forced to kiss.

Ever since I had to drop my insanely funny blog "Run Dirty Girl, Run", I have been at loss for what to write about. Cinderwriter was just supposed to be all about writing, and Run Dirty Girl, well, that was my adventures in getting back into running. It was my release, where I could cut loose and not worry about what editors and readers would think. But, when the blog ended, well, sadly, so did the running. I lost my anonymous creative outlet and my motivation to keep running. Without the runs, I turned more and more into a gelatinous mass resembling a frog.

Why did the blog end you ask? If it was so cute and cleaver and kept your feet out on the trails? I received many kind invitations to get-togethers not fitting for a married mom. Apparently when I said Run Dirty Girl, Run they were not thinking of a gal who loves to run on the muddy trails of the Aiea Trail Loops of Oahu. hmmm....Perhaps some of those followers did not mind kissing the frog.

That was a year ago, right before we moved to Germany. I have run a handful of times since then, but nothing to keep me heading back to the fit pre baby shape. I know every mother deals with this, but it is driving me insane. How can I look at my handsome hubby everyday and then look in the mirror and think "Man, he has to kiss this?" He deserves better. My kids deserve better. Hell, my mail lady deserves better!

I know, I know what you are thinking. "Cinderwriter, there are plenty of other things you can do to get back in shape!"

True. There is the Gym. The nasty smelling gym with enormous guys who like to throw around dumbells and make loud grunting noises that pass for birthing sound effects. Hmm, no Thanks.

The Pool. Yes, I do love to swim. Almost as much as I love to run. And I am assistant coach of a swim team. But I can't swim at the same time as my kiddos, and the pool near the house has mean little old German ladies who won't get out of the way when I try to do my flip turns.


Is it Karma? When I was younger I was quite obnoxious about my looks and how fit I was. If I saw an out-of-shape or overweight person, compassion was not the first emotion that fluttered through my heart. I have changed though, truly, I have . I know what it is like to look at the pie and gain an inch on my waist when I am eating the celery. I now have walked hundreds of miles in those peoples moccasins. So I ask God. "Hey! Have I learned my lesson yet? I don't want to be the Michelin Girl anymore."

God answers: Sure, she learned compassion, but what about vanity and humility?

Oh dear, How much longer until I am humble?

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day

What I’m Reading: The Alchemistby Paolo Coelho 

What I'm Working On: A new version of HFB

OK, I have been MIA for a verrra, verra long time, but honestly I have not been inspired to write. About anything actually.  Yes, My life is crazy busy.  But seriously I think I could write for 5 minutes a day to keep this up. 

Today I am cutting and pasting a Valentine's horoscope for all those Taurus people out there.   I am very excited  about what it says, because it is an area of my life that I have felt very insecure about for quite a while.   Not great for someone who has been married almost 15 years.  So, here is a toast to all the Taurus people out there, let us all have a wonderfully romantic year! 

P.S.  We must give credit where credit is due.  This is from the Yahoo horoscope page.

Year 2009 Romantic

Success in your work life spills over to your romantic life. You are newly inspired as positive friendships develop and your loved ones express how feel about you. Their encouragement helps you feel more comfortable about expressing yourself romantically. Spontaneity can be challenging for you in romantic love, but your gifts are many and it's important for you to appreciate and love yourself so that it rubs off others and attracts the right person.

In recent years, you've been hesitant to trust your instincts when it comes to love, but that mindset doesn't serve you anymore. As you start surrendering to the notion of a one-on-one relationship, the right person will walk into your life. As you let the doors open on your romantic life, your home environment will become sunny and stable, and you'll find your personal relationships improving. By the end of the year, your romantic life will have taken on a whole new dimension. You will be singing with joy as you experience intense intimacy with your partner, leaving you content on an emotional level deeper than you've ever felt before.

Much of the transformation happening to you romantically this year is about discovering how to be comfortable in larger fields of social existence and belief systems. As you expand your personal beliefs, you are also learning to trust others and connect more with the creative energy blossoming between you and everyone you meet -- especially your lover!