Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Kissing the Frog - or a late night Pity Party

Do you ever feel like the frog in life? I think I am having one of those years, ok, let's be honest, one of those decades. I feel like the ugly frog that the princess is forced to kiss.

Ever since I had to drop my insanely funny blog "Run Dirty Girl, Run", I have been at loss for what to write about. Cinderwriter was just supposed to be all about writing, and Run Dirty Girl, well, that was my adventures in getting back into running. It was my release, where I could cut loose and not worry about what editors and readers would think. But, when the blog ended, well, sadly, so did the running. I lost my anonymous creative outlet and my motivation to keep running. Without the runs, I turned more and more into a gelatinous mass resembling a frog.

Why did the blog end you ask? If it was so cute and cleaver and kept your feet out on the trails? I received many kind invitations to get-togethers not fitting for a married mom. Apparently when I said Run Dirty Girl, Run they were not thinking of a gal who loves to run on the muddy trails of the Aiea Trail Loops of Oahu. hmmm....Perhaps some of those followers did not mind kissing the frog.

That was a year ago, right before we moved to Germany. I have run a handful of times since then, but nothing to keep me heading back to the fit pre baby shape. I know every mother deals with this, but it is driving me insane. How can I look at my handsome hubby everyday and then look in the mirror and think "Man, he has to kiss this?" He deserves better. My kids deserve better. Hell, my mail lady deserves better!

I know, I know what you are thinking. "Cinderwriter, there are plenty of other things you can do to get back in shape!"

True. There is the Gym. The nasty smelling gym with enormous guys who like to throw around dumbells and make loud grunting noises that pass for birthing sound effects. Hmm, no Thanks.

The Pool. Yes, I do love to swim. Almost as much as I love to run. And I am assistant coach of a swim team. But I can't swim at the same time as my kiddos, and the pool near the house has mean little old German ladies who won't get out of the way when I try to do my flip turns.


Is it Karma? When I was younger I was quite obnoxious about my looks and how fit I was. If I saw an out-of-shape or overweight person, compassion was not the first emotion that fluttered through my heart. I have changed though, truly, I have . I know what it is like to look at the pie and gain an inch on my waist when I am eating the celery. I now have walked hundreds of miles in those peoples moccasins. So I ask God. "Hey! Have I learned my lesson yet? I don't want to be the Michelin Girl anymore."

God answers: Sure, she learned compassion, but what about vanity and humility?

Oh dear, How much longer until I am humble?

1 comment:

The Brewers said...

My heart is with you. You must love the person you are today!!