Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Voice reponse

This week in Barbara's Workshop she gave us Photos to examine and write a response. I think I did it incorrectly. I just started writing from the gut, where everyone else was writing stories. I still like my response, even if it was wrong.

Photo #1 Runner's feet going down the hill:

Freedom. Freedom from my earthly constraint . Freedom to be who I
really am. Free Range Human. Go anywhere unrestricted. No
boundaries, no baggage, no limitations. Anyone and everyone can
obtain this, even me. Running sets you free. There is nothing that
can hold you back nothing that you can tie you down to the drudgery of
our society, the drudgery we have impaled ourselves on, and
conditioned each other to accept as normalcy and happiness. Freedom
to escape all societal shackles.
I love running trails best of all. I will not run asphalt. I have
left the sport of triathlon, to get off the roads. Running the trails is like going to church for me, although some of my christian friends say that the devil is pulling me
away. To hell with that. I find peace and God out there in the woods, along the streams, and high atop the mountains. I have always found him there and listening to me, much
easier than in the dozens of churches I have tried to find him in. He
is there with his feminine persona "Mother Nature". They are one, the
great creator, and I can be out in the middle of his majestic works
and speak to him, rather than in a man made creation designed to teach
me how man thinks I should worship him. Running causes endorphins
that I do not get from swimming. When I swim I am feeling calm and at
peace and I work through problems in my head. But when I run, it is
like a wave of cleansing crashes over me, then pours into me, and then
finally leaves me taking with it all the bad thoughts, fears, and
environmental, social, and mental toxins that have accosted me through
day to day life.
My Freedom, My life.

Photo #2 Nude:
arbara picked Nude for me
It is so interesting that you picked the nude for me. I have been
struggling with body issues for about 14 years now. Although my mother
says I was anorexic before I became an over eater. It started when my
running slowed down. I got a job and I could not run for hours and
hours so I started to snack to deal with stress. When I married my
husband all the issues I had with my parents and their dysfunctional
marriage started to bubble to the surface and I blocked out the issues
with food. My husband withdrew after the first year of marriage for
other reasons, and I consoled myself with food. This became a pattern
with me. When I had finally worked out the issues with my parents and
confronted them with the problems, my weight began to drop. When my
husband realized what an Ass he had become and turned our marriage
around, my weight continued to drop. I was at a very healthy weight
for the first time since puberty. And then I got pregnant, and lost
the baby. And lost another, and another, and another. When Bryn came
along after months of bed rest, and was brought into the world almost
dead from a delivery my OB called, and I quote, "Absolutely horrific",
the roller-coaster of eating to dull the pain and guilt started again.
10 pounds, 20 pounds. Pregnant again, lost it. 30 pounds, pregnant
with twins, lost one, and the other Hung on with tenacity (She is
still the most tenacious person you will EVER meet.) Then everything
was going OK. 10, -20. Annika is diagnosed with Kawasaki Disease, the
Chemo starts, + 10. Pregnant with twin again, lost them both +30. #)
lbs of Pure Guilt. It had to me my fault right? And so on and so
forth. Time is up. I did not mean to whine so much.

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